No Flow Without Frustration

“You’re better with tonfa than I was at your rank,” my Sensei recently said. “I think it’s a natural weapon for you.”

“Natural? Remember my first day with them?” I asked, “How much I cried?”

He said, “Sometimes difficulty early on can lead to more skill later.”

I’m sharing this story because a client recently talked about her anxiety. The previous week, her biggest takeaway was that she had no anxiety. This week, she had a little bit of anxiety but she moved through it.

“Anxiety is fine as long as you don’t let it paralyze you,” I explained. “In fact, the first step in the Flow Cycle is Stress.”

“Really!?” She said.

“Yes. Flow State is associated with mastery, and no one is born a master.”

I explained that the Flow Cycle is:

Stress -> Release -> Flow State -> Recovery.

So frustration is baked into the Flow Cycle.

She said that was a helpful reframe.

I love the saying, “The master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried.” It’s what kept me going in my first, tearful, tonfa lesson.

My movements were so awkward. And, even worse, the handles on my tonfa were too long for my small hands making it difficult to control the weapons. I cried with frustration while doing the kata.

My Sensei reassured me, “Unlike that famous line, ‘There’s no crying in baseball,’ there IS crying in the martial arts. It’s OK to cry as long as you don’t quit.”

I didn’t quit. Years later, I’m pretty good with tonfa!

My client just bought her first new computer in years so that she can start a new business. Her anxiety was in setting it up—watching it update, wondering if the screen really was supposed to go black just then, reading all of the instructions.

Frustration creates courage when you decide to embrace the suck.

That’s true whether the suck you’re embracing is trying to learn an unwieldy weapon,

or trying to read with bleary eyes yet another EULA.

And the decision to push through, to keep going, is what leads to Flow.

What does that moment feel like—the moment you choose to keep going?

At the end of the session, she said her biggest takeaway was:

“There’s no Flow without Frustration.”

___

This is the Somatic Layer of my coaching—how your body, nervous system, and resilience shape leadership.

___

The 21st century needs ADHD Leaders.

If this is you, I want to support you.

Ready to start?

Book a free exploration call.

Just curious?

Comment. DM me. Keep reading my posts.