Firing With Compassion

Once upon a time, early in my leadership career my district manager invited me out to coffee.

She told me about the first time she ever had to fire someone.

She said she felt horrible because she really liked the person she had to fire, but they were a bad fit for the job through no fault of their own.

Her goal was to try to make the firing as gentle as possible, and to convey the truth that this person was simply mis-matched for the job.

She made a list of their positive attributes, skills, and talents. She also made a list of careers that she thought they would be well-suited for.

Still, the meeting was emotionally fraught.

A couple of years later she bumped into the former employee she had to fire.

They thanked her for such a positive termination meeting. They said they realized she was right, and they had been miserable in that job. They took everything she said about their skills and attributes, all of her career advice, and found a job they love and they’re thriving in.

I don’t remember the context of our meeting. Maybe I had to do my first firing?

But I do remember her talking about how as girls and women we were over-socialized to be “nice”, but as managers we sometimes have to do things that will hurt—such as fire people.

My former DM said we don’t have to be “mean” when we fire someone or even write them up. We can be fair, which gives them the opportunity to improve their lives. Especially when you lean into your compassion as she did.

This was a formative story early in my career.

One thing occurred to me:
➡️ This is leadership, not mere management.

What was an early lesson that influenced your leadership style?

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This is the Philosophical Layer of my coaching: Where ideas, ethics, and meaning become the bedrock of leadership.

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