Calm Leadership is a Skill

Did you know staying calm under pressure is a trainable skill?

When I worked at my in-laws’ restaurant,
my role as their daughter-in-law was to be the energetic cheerleader.
This suited my (unrecognized) ADHD very well.

When my husband and I bought the restaurant,
my role as the owner was to exude calmness.
I feared this did not suit my natural high energy.

Luckily, as a martial artist,
I practiced calming myself during tense and even scary situations regularly.
That was experience I could draw upon.

Around this same time, I met and befriended self-defense author/instructor Rory Miller.
He often says the best leaders are the calmest person in the room.

This activated my sense of friendly competition.
I made a habit of looking for the calmest person
and trying to out-calm them.

It worked!

On hectic weekend nights,
I became the calmest person in the room.
That helped our team to settle down and focus.

🧠 Now for the neuroscience

Co-regulation — our nervous systems are designed to synchronize with other people’s.
This happens through:

• Neuroception – automatic safety detection that monitors people’s expressions and tone.

• Limbic resonance – mirrored emotional circuits that let groups tune to each other.

• Predictive coding – the brain’s automatic safety check; steady leadership quiets uncertainty and helps everyone settle.

A calm leader literally resets everyone’s nervous systems.
This is the essence of Confucius’ quote:
“The virtuous leader is like the north star,
remaining still while all the other stars revolve around it.”

⚙️ Gamification — ADHD hack for training a new skill

• Goal orientation keeps the prefrontal cortex online.

• Measurable wins release dopamine.

• Repetition strengthens the calm-response circuit through neuroplasticity.

How do you train your calm-center?

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The 21st Century needs ADHD Leaders.
If this is you, I want to support you.

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